What Makes Them Really Tick Series- The 10 Emotional Resonance Frequencies Part 2
This week we are going to talk about the last five emotional resonance frequencies that people can have. We are going to start off with emotional resonance frequency six.
Emotional Resonance Frequency #6: Sense of Security
This emotional resonance frequency we will be talking about is the drive to feel a sense of security. This means you feel safe with and understood by your partner. In a world filled with uncertainty, a person who ranks this need highly likes the feeling of knowing someone they care deeply about will be there for them and offer some degree of certainty.
When someone doesn’t receive a sense of security in their relationship, they may be restless in trying to establish it. This could lead them to ask questions that may seem as if they’re keeping tabs, but what they are really trying to do is get a grip on what they can count on. “When will you get home tonight? What are we going to do this week?”
These types of questions mean the person asking them is seeking some definitive information to help them attain that sense of security. And if you don’t understand that this is one of your partner’s frequencies, you’re missing out on plugging into something that resonates powerfully for then. Think about it a moment: if you tune into something like this one, giving a sense of security, that is really going to make your partner want to stay close to you.
Emotional Resonance Frequency #7: Similar Parenting Paradigm
Some people have a deep need to be with someone who they feel have a similar parenting paradigm. Some people have an idea about the type of family life they would like to have, and what type of dynamic they want as parenting couple. This could include things like the belief that one parent should stay home with the kids while the other worked, styles of discipline, sleep rituals, religious choices, and all the other things that go into being a parent. People who find these need important are driven to find someone they feel will make a good match as a parent.
Sometimes people get involved with someone who is not on the same page as them on parenting, and they don’t realize how much of an issue this is until it crops up in the relationship. For example, one [aren’t may believe in spanking as a form of discipline while the other is opposed to it.
If similar parenting paradigm is a core value for you, you’re likely going to have to sit down with your partner to better understand what his/her beliefs are about raising children. You might ask:
- Do you want to have children?
- What are your beliefs about religious upbringing for kids?
- How do you envision the division of responsibilities in child rearing- from putting the kids to sleep, to feeding them, to helping with homework and more?
- What is your position on discipline?
Along with other similar questions.
Emotional Resonance Frequency #8: Shared Values
Having shared values is yet another need that is important to some. It means you are on the same wavelength as far as what’s important to you in life, what you are striving for or the code of conduct you want to live by. For example, you may have a desire to give back to the community and you like to volunteer your time in doing good work for others. You will feel in tune with your partner if they share this same drive to give back to others. For others, they want someone who shares the same morals or ethical outlook, fulfilling their need of sharing what resonated deep within themselves.
When values are to dissimilar, constant friction can result. At some point, it may drive you into opposing corners where you judge each other’s viewpoints as being “wrong.” It’s something to be conscious of, because many couples can find common ground on values even when an important one doesn’t align.
Emotional Resonance Frequency #9: Shared Experiences
Shared experiences are another emotional resonance frequency that any couple can appreciate but for some, it’s very important to share major life event with the partner they love. For example, if you have always wanted to travel, but were waiting for the “right” person to share that experience with, this is a need you would want your partner to fulfill- the desire to travel with you and share that experience. Or it could be as simple as trying a new restaurant: you wouldn’t go to the restaurant by yourself- you want to savor that experience with your partner.
Emotional Resonance Frequency #10: Depth of Intimate Connection
For this one, I think of it as a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum would be the compulsion to have a very close, intimate connection with your partner. You are driven by a desire to be closely entwined on an emotionally intimate level, being each other’s best friend, confidante, and lover. The other end of the spectrum is closer to a disconnection: someone who doesn’t look to their partner to be “everything” to them and is content with a less intimate connection.
Picture your extreme loner types who are quite comfortable navigating the world all on their own. They enjoy their partner’s company, but it doesn’t bother them not to share their every thought and feeling. There is nothing wrong with this, but it can create a situation where a clash is inevitable if the partner’s emotional resonance frequency is to be deeply, emotionally intimate with them. If one partner is more disconnected, not ranking it as important to share dreams and feelings with their partner, while the other partner craves this deep level of sharing, there will constantly be a pull-push effect. One partner is trying to pull the other closer, while that partner may be viewed as pushing them away.
The good news is most people find a comfortable spot that is somewhere along the middle of the spectrum. Each partner knows who they are and can function on their own.
None of these emotional resonance frequencies are gender specific as you can tell. They could be your frequencies or your partner’s. But something each of these needs has in common is this: they make people feel good inside, and in harmony with their partner.
Next week our topic will cover how you can start to fulfill your partner’s emotional resonance frequencies. This topic will be broken up into two parts, stay tuned for part one next week!